Welcome to my simple world.  I want it to be simple, and I try my best to make it as simple as possible.

     At first glance, one might perceive my life to be anything but simple.  I'm married but am also a confirmed bi-sexual.  I have one child, a home, a car, a cell phone, but I'm not rich.  Still, I'm not also poor.  I love submitting myself to the pleasures of my partner, yet I usually come when I'm on top.  I like talking to people but many times catch myself answering my own questions.  

     I consider myself sexually liberated but I need to hide behind the cloak of anonymity in this website.

     I don't want to encounter any complications in my life if I do admit to the public who I really am.

     I have the need to be with other partners, but my life will only be shared with my husband and child.

     Am I guilty of having my cake and eating it too?

     You, my reader, will have to be the judge of that.  I am hoping that you will get to know me in an intimate private way, even if you will never know who I really am.  These pages are my venue.  My life will be revealed in them.  Join me and let's both benefit from the fun in me expressing myself and sharing with you.
  

     Why did this world turn into a money-oriented pain in the ass?

     It used to be that people lived off the land.  They hunted what they needed and left alone those that they didn't.  When they discovered cultivation of land, larger communities developed, settlements turned to villages, into cities, into countries.  

     So, why did the need for money develop?  Why did individuals seek more possessions instead of inner peace?  Why create the rat race then spend a fortune trying to avoid it or cure yourself from its effects?

     If only people just made enough to live.  If only companies followed suit, making just enough so that they can continue providing the public the product they're selling.  If only the utility companies didn't need to earn 10 million a day, instead of the more modest but realistic 1 million a day.  If only governments did not need to focus on their boundaries, then maybe they would stop collecting high taxes to maintain huge standing armies to prevent another country from violating those boundaries.

     If this world became ideal, then maybe, just maybe, my husband and I will have more moments to share with each other, to talk, to laugh, to play.  If the world was ideal, then we wouldn't need to work so that we can earn.  We will work so that we can continue to enjoy working and doing something substantial that will benefit other people in this world.  Working will be a part of daily living, not a necessity anymore.  Profit will no longer be the dividing line between success and failure.  There will be more chances for peace to prevail as coveting your neighbors' goods will no longer be a factor.

     Who am I kidding?  This is worse than fantasizing about a perfect lover.  At least there is a possibility, no matter how remote, to find that lover.

12 February 2003

I just got back home from a major operation at a hospital.  Doctors discovered that I had cysts in my ovary, and finally had them removed last Sunday.  But it was worse than they thought.  The cysts were stuck to the ovary so much that they had no choice but to remove the ovary as well.  So, I only have one healthy ovary left, but because of the operation, I now have better chances of having another child.  It's been almost six years, so maybe it is about time I had another kid to take care of.

Of course, this would mean a lot of sacrifices on both our parts, but surprisingly, it doesn't matter.  We do want to have another child, and I went through this ordeal with open arms simply because I was told that to do it would greatly increase the chances of having a child.

For a sexually active married woman, such a thought should have been furthest from my mind.  Most of us must have seen episodes of Sex and the City on HBO, and they've repeatedly stated that relationships and kids only caused problems in their free life.  I think that's a lot of bull, but to each his/her own.  I never found my daughter to be a problem.  Not once.  She had always been a blessing, and I had always been able to do what I wanted to do even though she's here.  Of course, I had to make adjustments, lots of them, but those are minor. 

Nothing can compare to seeing your child's smile.  No amount of orgasms can compare to the contentment from a child's hug.  No lover in the world  can kiss you as sweetly as a child can.

Finally found another free web host for my site.  The other one suddenly went off line and hasn't been restored until now.

My husband and I are trying for a baby again.  Hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be holding another child in my arms and become a mother again.  Some women are not for it, like my friend who's in the States.  They've been married for 11 years and have no kids "by choice" (their words).  But they have two dogs they treat like their kids!  I thought I was weird.

Nothing bad happened after the operation.  No side effects, no discomfort except for the slight scar.  My hubbie says it looks sexy, but maybe he's just being nice.  But I did gain some weight, though, and that's the bad part.

The two of us just came back from a three-day spin in wonderful Bangkok, Thailand.  I saw the notorious PatPong district, which is almost like what we have here in Manila.  i guess if you've seen one sex bar, you've seen them all.  But, we were not able to explore the really seedy side of the place as we had in our group an 18 year old, who was not allowed to go in the really dark alleys (minimum age was 20).  Maybe next time.

In about a couple of weeks, we'll be in Japan.  This time, we'll be totally wholesome as we're visiting the Disney place there.  It's for a project in work.  More about it next time.

We're planning to pick-up a Japanese woman while we're there.  We hear that they're extremely sensual.  If successful, you'll be one of the first to know. . .

My last entry said that I just came from Bangkok.  Now I'm writing just to say that I've just got back from Japan!  Makes me sound like I'm one of the Jet-set, huh?

It's still simple, middle-class me, who happens to have a husband who is sent to exciting places just so he'll be able to see what his boss has seen earlier.  This time, it's Tokyo's Disney Land and Sea.  We spent 3 days and 4 nights at the Hilton Tokyo Bay Hotel, right beside Disney Land, and it was just great.  Nothing sexually exciting to relate, though, except making love in our 9th floor room with the window shutters open and in full view of Disney Land.  That was a thrill, with my legs spread open while my hubby was eating me with gusto and I'm staring at the lights of Disney Land, imagining that a girl on top of Cinderella's castle was looking at me through her binoculars.

I have established communications with Literotica, and have made some friends there.  I must say that after reading their work, mine pales in comparison and it is indeed an honor to be able to write to some of those whose works truly turn me on.  There's Astrid_blew, and pussylove_69, and a lot more.  I did get some praises from the others, but maybe they're just being nice (or even just want to lay me, I wish. . .)

 I have added a story from another friend I met through Literotica, using the name of Paul Way.  I asked his permission if I can add his story and he said yes.  Hope you like it as well.

I still have not had my monthly period, so maybe I am pregnant.  I sure hope so. . .  It would be nice holding a baby again after 5 years.  I remember once when my daughter was a few months old, we were making love and just as I was about to come, she cried!  I was on top (my favorite position) and stopped long enough to pick her up and then had a strong orgasm while holding on to her.  My husband came at the same time as he was so turned on seeing me with a baby in my arms while coming.

Not that I'll do that again. . .  But who knows?

The dreaded day came.  My period was late, but it still came.  Drat! 

I have two sisters, and they have more children than I do.  It seems like they get fucked once and they're already pregnant the next day!  I don't want to sound like I'm griping or complaining.  I just have to let off some steam as it was a bit disappointing to have hoped.

I guess we'll just have to try again. . .

The country just got through another trial, this time brought about by disgruntled Junior Officers of our Armed Forces.  I believe that what they're griping about is true, specially about their salary being too low, their being hit by bullets that the rebels bought from our own government, and that though the Armed Forces have the biggest budget, the foot soldiers hardly benefit from this.  But to stage what they did to prove a point, including endangering innocent civilians, is not to my liking.  They had the funding, so why not an international media blitz?

I remember years ago when the military staged their coup attempts, and the ordinary folk were also in the streets running for cover whenever the shooting started then running back out to pick up souvenirs like bullet shells or for photo-ops, then the cycle starts again. . .

This time, it's the media people standing near the bombs, pointing them out for the camera, or standing literally in front of the nose of a soldier who's aiming his rifle at the enemy, etc.  The sentence "Only in the Philippines" comes to mind. . .

When will they ever learn?

Just added a few more pictures just for the fun of it.  I really often wonder if people find the pictures tasteful or gross. . .  I don't get any response from people, one person who did visit the site said he wasn't able to see a single picture, while another one who did see the pictures told me that HE wanted to suck my pussy!

My sub-title is "For People With Style" as I don't believe in pornography per se.  I want it to be artistic, erotic, not pornographic.  Besides, it's another way of justifying my not showing my face. . .

Anyway, I did this site for me.  that's plain, and that's simple.  If no one else in this world gets to see it, fine.  But, if no one will see it, why shouldn't I show my face?

I again had my period today. . . We're giving up trying for the moment, as my nipples were hurting from the medicine, and my mood swings were getting worse.  I'm really glad my hubbie understands me so well.  Of course, he kept on teasing me about anything and everything, but I loved him for it. 

One day, years from now, I'll be reading the words that I've written on these pages.  How would I be feeling then? 

Right now, I feel a bit drained, tired, stressed out.  At the same time, there's a feeling of peace trying to envelope my entirety.  Conflicting feelings, yet, optimism is still the dominant force in me.  I feel more love for my family, and I can feel them reciprocating that love just as strongly.

I spent most of the day reading a book.  I have not done this for years.  I shall be doing more things now.  Personal things.  I've started to.  I've been exercising, cooking more, now reading, tomorrow might be back to my cross-stitch.

Because I submitted my site to Yehey.com, suddenly, I'm getting some traffic!  I'm both glad and apprehensive about this news.

I'm happy because I met a lot of nice people who happened to surf on in.  Of course, there are some coarse people who only wanted to tell me that they like my body and "when can we fuck?"  Others commented nicely on the content, with even constructive comments on the stories I wrote.

Thanks for taking the time to really read what're in these pages.  The pictures were just an added bonus that my hubby convinced me I should have.  But with it is the added risk of a relative actually surfing in and actually recognize me or my hubby!  Of course, no one but my lovers have seen my private parts, but there were some pictures with my face partially seen.  So, to be safe, I've decided to edit the pictures and totally hide my face.  If this offends some of those who've visited before, I apologize but I really hope you'll understand my predicament.  I want myself to be here, but I can't. 

A few of the surfers have become friends and we are now regular letter writers.  You know who you are, and I love your letters and our exchange of views from the weather to relationships.  Funny thing, though, is that the most regular writers are Pinoys too.  The temptation to actually meet them in person is great, but I must always remember that I have a child whose future might be marred if I do something silly today.  So, I'm slowly getting to know them all, weeding out the glass that glitter until I will let the gems in the chest be my lover.  Or lovers. 

I'm the girl, so I should have the fun!

By the way, thank you all for commending me on my English.  But, I cannot take even half the credit as I make extensive use of the speller, thesaurus and my hubby's patience in editing most of what I write.  In fact, sometimes, I dictate to him and he automatically translates and corrects everything.

I love you, darling.  Always have, always will.  (I added this without him knowing.)

To all my friends, I'm sorry if I hadn't been responding to any of you.  Since Saturday, I've become a mom again and took care of my daughter who's been very sick.  She's fine now, but still very weak.  I just had to tell you what happened so that you wouldn't wonder at my silence.

It's funny, but I write about my fantasies, some of my experiences, but when push comes to shove, I'm just a mother taking care of her child.  Maybe I AM over the hill, that all my fantasies are just that, fantasies.  That all I've written about and planned to do were nothing but trash.  Something that a teenager would do, not a 30 something mother and housewife in her right mind would.

But I don't feel old, and I don't look old, so maybe I'm just tired from the stress.

10 October 2003

My hubby and I have agreed.  It's too risky for the pictures to remain as is.  So, we have toned down the pictures, made them just erotic enough, without those pussy shots.  This way, should someone STILL recognize me, at least all they'll see are classy, erotic pictures.

To all those who've seen the original layout, my apologies.  I know some of you saved the pictures just in case, but to the others who didn't, I'm truly sorry.

To all my regular surfers, I'm sure we can work something out. . .

Keep on coming back, okay?

I received a very erotic email from one of my friends, telling me that he masturbated to my pictures.  In all honesty, I never really imagined myself to be a sexy lady.  Yes, I'm constantly horny, and yes, I started early in life to flirt with the boys, but to actually find out that someone came just by looking at my pictures is mind-blowing! 

Well, for the record, he did send me his picture, a decent picture showing him with his smile, and it did turn me on.  I guess it really is possible to come just by looking at someone's picture.  But what I personally like is the fact that I KNOW this person I'm looking at actually exists, is a normal person, not an actor and not a professional model.  Maybe that's why he got turned on by my pictures.  Simply because I am a real person trying my best to be anonymous. . .

15 April 2004

Hello, folks!  I'm back!

Yes, for those who suddenly discovered that the site was gone, my apologies.  My hubby overheard an acquaintance telling his buddy about a nice site he saw, and mentioned Hiyas.   That person doesn't know me, nor have seen my picture, so that's the lucky part.  I decided to take out all the files and let it die a natural death.

But after 6 months, I've just been back from the province, and I realized that I missed keeping the site maintained, so with a little more tweaking with my pictures, I've decided to put it up again and take the chance that nobody can really recognize me, even if they knew me personally.

I'm back. . .

28 January 2005

Yes, I've been gone for a long time, and I have not answered a single letter sent to me by email.  Did I want people to think that I've died?  Did I want to lose the friendships that I tried so hard to develop for how many months? 

I re-read some of the entries and noticed that I'd been apologizing left and right about the site, about my health, about everything.

And here I am again, trying to apologize. . .

I've lost all feeling of sexuality.  My hormones are all jumbled up.  I have made love to my husband only three times this last 5 months.  I can feel his patience stretching thin, but I can't do anything about it right now.  I'm neither here nor there.  I'd rather stay in my room and just go out to cook for my family.  I'm gaining weight though I'm dieting.  My face broke out with pimples.  I feel ugly, bloated, and irritated at everything and everyone.

My doctor said that everything will go back to normal in about three months.  Will I last that long?  Will my hubby understand?  He might, but will everything really go back to normal?  Or has our lives taken a very bad turn that the way back is impossible?

We'll all find out in three months. . .

Fell asleep early last night, but woke up around midnight to catch my hubby masturbating.  His notebook was open and he was looking at our "session" pictures.  These are the pictures we took a little over a year ago where we just went wild and took digital stills and video of ourselves, while posing and making love.  I already told him to just burn the pictures into a disc and erase them from his hard drive as I was so scared that someone (like his brother or even my daughter) might see the pictures there!

But like I've said, I've been totally out of the mood for making love, and so, I'm not angry or disappointed or turned off that he had to take matters into his own hands. . .

Do I feel guilty?

Not really.

That's how bad I've become.  I would never had allowed such a thing to happen just half a year ago!  But that's the reality we are facing right now and I'm just glad that he hasn't left me, nor fought me, nor looked for another "outlet" for his frustrations.  I'm not really the jealous type and I'm fully aware that this situation we're in is mostly my fault, but if he did get someone else at this particular time, I don't think I can forgive him.  Yes, it's very selfish of me and yes, you all can slap me on all four cheeks, but that's how I feel.  I need him to understand me fully right now and for someone else to enter the picture at this fragile juncture of our relationship will destroy everything.

I have not talked with him yet.  Nor does he know that I caught him.  I love him and I'm praying hard that he still loves me too despite everything that's going on.

Someone asked me what's wrong with me.  Better say it now.  Remember a couple of years ago I was operated on because of polyps in my uterus and the removal of one of my ovaries?  Well the polyps are back, caught at a very early stage, and the cure is an injection every month for 6 months.  This medicine will try and change my hormone levels (more male, I think) until the polyps are dissolved.  So, for the last 6 months, I've been like a menopausal woman with no menstruation, hot flashes, mood swings, increased appetite, etc.  The only good thing that came out of it is that oddly enough, my hair (head and body) slowed down in growth!  For the last 6 months, I've only shaved my underarm about 4 times, and that's because I found it odd that I hadn't been shaving!  Even my pubic hair hardly grew back!  But despite the male hormones, I hadn't turned into a lesbian!  Instead, I'm a sexless, frigid bitch!

A friend is waiting for me to get back to my jolly self.  Mr. Way, you've got some waiting to do. . .

My hubby has finally come out of his shell and wrote a story.  I really do believe that he's the better writer, and if you do get to read Soft Hand, I'm sure you'll agree.

Darling, thank you for being so patient with me.  I promise you that I'll somehow make it up to you, just like I promised while you were in Scotland that I'll be your sexual slave for 3 months, I'll do my best to make you happy.

I love you, darling.

Always have.

Always will.

DAMN!  I still don't know what's happening to my body!

I started having my period last week, and it was nice and strong, and I was hoping that things will go back to normal after, but I'm still in a hole that I can't seem to get out of.

I'm still not in the mood to do anything sexual.  I've just masturbated my husband a few times, but that's as sexy as I've gone.  Once, we did make love, but it was only because he insisted that he wanted to come inside me.  He had me stay on top and as he planned, I came so strongly that I thought I'd faint!  We both hoped that that would be the start of something great, but turned out that I got more irritable after and totally refused any more advances.

I can't understand it myself, and since this is such a conservative country, I don't know who I can talk to to tell me what's wrong.

We spent two weeks in a 4 star hotel, and only made love once.

That would not have happened a year ago.  We would have been in bed going through various positions just to heat things up.  Then we'd have stayed by the window and let the others in the next building enjoy themselves.

Oh well. . .